my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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