I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Dear god my vagina.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
