WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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