He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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