I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
