I wish I could punch you in the face.
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i think i have two assholes
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
