Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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