omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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