I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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