I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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