toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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