I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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