I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
