I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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