Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
she pinky promised me she was 18
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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