What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize