i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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