Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
