i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
