U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Randomize
