i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
