How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
