is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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