so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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