I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize