Sponge bath it is.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
