My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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