She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
