just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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