I accidentally had phone sex last night
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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