official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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