I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Someone signed my nipple.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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