I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
