Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
areolas are like halos for boobs.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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