do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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