Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
