Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
