you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
