Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
