I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
