I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
