is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
