i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
