I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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