When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
