We're facebook friends in real life
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
