he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I AM VODKA MAN
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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