Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
