oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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