Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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