I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
