So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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