I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Let's get the cat blown out
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
