I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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