mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
How does it feel to date your dad?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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