people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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