just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
