Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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