im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
