its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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