I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
