apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
