So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
