so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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