Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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