please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
