So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
