i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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