Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
