Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
