maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
