im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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