I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
