I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
